From the Desk of Rabbi Malcolm Cohen | Kol Ami Synagogue ⋆ JCC Tucson

From the Desk of Rabbi Malcolm Cohen | Kol Ami Synagogue

November 21, 2025

From the Desk of Rabbi Malcolm Cohen | Kol Ami Synagogue

When I tested my DNA, I was hoping to find long-lost cousins or at least some kind of family member with whom I could connect. What I got was the most boring genetic result ever. Turns out I’m 99.99999% Ashkenazi Jewish and .00001% Native American, the latter probably not statistically significant. This week’s parsha, Toledot (Hebrew for Generations), begins with a blood line: “These are the generations of Isaac son of Abraham. Abraham begot Isaac” (Genesis 25:19). Like my own genetic background, this is pretty simple. Although our matriarch, Sarah, is cut out of the equation, it doesn’t take a robust genealogical search to see how Abraham connects to Isaac.

My question is whether who we consider to be family is always that simple. “You and me, we’re like family, like mishpocha!” we have probably said to people who were never actually related to us by blood. In the wonderful TV show, ‘The Bear’, about a chaotic Chicago restaurant, two of the characters perpetually call each other ‘cousin’ when they are absolutely not related. It’s just an Italian thing. The two of them are so close, they might as well be family.

Chosen family is special. They are people we trust with our life, or at least our deepest secrets. We confide in them, we support them in their times of trial. We go the extra yard for their welfare and peace of mind. We only consider them mishpocha after several years, when the slow drip-drip of trust has reached a certain threshold.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not writing all of this because I don’t get on with my family. On the contrary, nothing gives me more joy to spend time with them, even if the same could not be said for all of us. It’s just that the neat, tied up with a bow, bloodline in our parsha is not always the story. Usually, we have our actual family and, in addition, the chosen family with whom we walk through life. May we all enjoy such support.

Shabbat Shalom.

Just like the idea of family is explored in parsha Toledot and elaborated on in this week’s reflection above, “chosen family” is something we experience at the Tucson J every day. While our community of over 9,000 members and many more guests does not all know each other, deep connections are made here—across generations, over shared interests, and by uplifting and supporting one another in both the joyful and the challenging times.

This week, our J community traveled off campus with their “chosen family” and in a variety of ways.

Teens in BBYO made their way to the 2025 Mountain Region Convention for a Shabbat gathering of all chapters within the region from as far as Las Vegas and Salt Lake City, with the Scottsdale and Phoenix chapters making the shorter trip to Mesa. This year’s convention was the largest Mountain Region convention on record, with 235 teens attending and 25 of them from Tucson. Tucson member, Sage Wexler, was honored at her Midstates as she is currently serving as Regional President through next semester, until a new president is elected in the spring. The two days were packed with programming from morning through late evening, with some of the most special moments being Separates (a heartfelt good and welfare) and Havdallah.

Thirteen of our talented ECE team participated in professional development at the Southern Arizona Association for the Education of Young Children annual conference at the University of Arizona College of Education. The conference brought together more than 400 early childhood education professionals to spend the day learning, reflecting, and networking under the conference theme, “Spark Joy, Spark Learning.” The team came back eager to share ideas related to STEAM learning and the “Three R’s”—regulate, relate, and reason—which provide a socio-emotional framework for success in the classroom. Additionally, assistant director of ECE, Tiffany Mills-Horton, and Meghan Briceland, ECE communication and curriculum coordinator, traveled to Florida to attend the National Association of the Education of Young Children conference—the largest gathering of early childhood educators in the world with over 500 peer-reviewed sessions led by industry experts. The theme of the national conference was, “In this place, we learn. For every child, we lead.”

Older members of the the Stingrays Swim Team travelled to Scottsdale for a meet at the Valley of the Sun JCC, where they not only competed, but stayed overnight to make connections with the local team. Out of 51 swims, the Stingrays showed up and out with 21 new personal bests, 25 Regional-qualifying swims, and 8 State-qualifying swims. Our younger swimmers and teens who did not travel to Scottsdale competed at the Copper Classic meet in Sahuarita. Out of our 41 swims, they had 26 new personal bests and 8 Regional-qualifying swims, showing tremendous growth from our Little and Junior rays, who have been working very hard to develop great technique and learn to love the world of swimming!

Here on campus, our Disability Program Services department had a successful annual Fall Art Sale, featuring crafts as well as larger format pieces including paintings and sculptures from participants at Arts for All. The department also hosted it’s quarterly family meeting, and celebrated the JShop intern of the week—Kyle! Kyle contributes to the JShop and our community by being dependable, flexible, and having strong work ethic. We’re proud to celebrate Kyle and all of the DPS participants who help make our community wonderfully vibrant and welcoming for all.

As we move into Shabbat, we invite you to take a moment to reflect on your family—chosen and not—and what makes it special to you. We’re so grateful you’re part of our Tucson J family! Shabbat Shalom.